Where There is Nothing as Appropriate as Being Inappropriate
Chad Kroeger is Expanding His Horizons
Chad Kroeger is tired of simply being the King of Rock and Roll. God bless him. Support this man and his efforts by going out and picking up his latest release "Dark Horse", setting up a "Chad's Checking Account" and drinking a 12 pack while driving to do these things.
The Human Embodiment of The Holy Trinity
Someone please tell me these two are joining forces. There is now officially no need for another band....EVER.
Thrash Metal Takes it to the Next Level
In the continuing battle of Chad Kroeger vs. Good Music, we now look upon a misunderstood genre of rock and roll, the “play as loud and as fast as you can for as long as you can” genre of thrash metal.
Thrash metal is taking it to the next level. It’s getting to the best parts and solos of regular songs, except, with thrash metal, it’s guitar solos, drum solos, bass solos and raspy vocal screaming at the beginning, the middle, and the end of the song. No more waiting until 3:32 of Track 4 to thrash; you can now begin swinging that long, greasy mane around at 0:01 of Track 1. This got me to wondering how the members of Slipknot and Lamb of God would partake in regular, every day activities. Here is a comprehensive list:
-They use sandpaper as toilet paper
-They do the century club with shots of Tequila
-They start sex out with an orgasm and continue the climax for four and a half more minutes.
-They sleep with the alarm on, and awaken when it goes off.
-They take pizza out of the oven and eat it before it cools down
So, in the battle of Chad Kroeger vs. Good Music who wins? Once again, talent prevails and the unanimous winner is Chad Kroeger.
Nickelback - The "N-word" of Rock Music
Vancouver, BC - Chad Kroeger, author of the most epic and meaningful songs in music history, continues to ride his meteoric rise to songwriting infamy with a decidedly lopsided victory at this years Grammys. After receiving the Lifetime Achievement Grammy for “Greatest Songwriter EVER” Chad held back tears and was only able to utter the stanza from Figured You Out which many consider to be the single, most beautifully constructed set of syllables in the English language.
“I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test
I like the white stains on your dress”
His highly acclaimed genius is also evident in Never Again with lyrics such as “Haven’t you heard “Don’t hit a lady?” / Kickin’ your ass would be a pleasure” and Photographs cornucopia of lyrical intellect “How did our eyes get so red/And what the hell is on Joey’s head”.
Taylor Hanson, member of runner up Hanson who are known best for their smash hit MMMbop, commented on Chads success. “I never believed music could cure cancer until I heard the melodic tone that Nickelback had to offer.” Special mention went to Kid Rock, thanks to his newest track All Summer Long and his mind boggling ability to rhyme “things” with “things” (“And we were trying different things/We were smoking funny things”). He noted that “Nickelbacks music is so potent I once witnessed an ovulating woman become impregnated by simply listening to Silver Side Up.”
No doubt Mr.Rock, no doubt.